Matt’s PokéJournal 1

Matt’s PokéJournal 1


It’s been a few years since I last played a Pokémon game; over a decade in fact. Back in the terrifying year 2000 I put a couple hundred hours into Pokémon Gold, hit max level and caught all 251 Pokémon. I was the pimp-en-est 10 year old on the monkey bars.

Now, 13 years later, I’m playing another Pokémon game – Black 2 (I can only play black games in my cosmo black 3DS). I’m sort of excited to be back in the Poké-verse after all this time. Everything is new to me (including all the Pokemon) and I have every intention of catching them all. LET THE POKEMONING BEGIN!

Starting Out – Some Observations

– Apparently you only get seven characters for your name. If there were DLC to buy more characters for your name, I’d already have it downloaded.

– There should be an achievement for naming your rival DOUCHE. Or a Wii-handjob or whatever they’re called.

РThe Pok̩puns are as stupid and awesome as they have ever been. I just saw a cat named Purrloin. PURR-LOIN. If it evolves into Purrlion I am seriously traveling back in time to make sure Black 2 wins GoTY.

– Apparently Pokémon are male or female now. I suppose they were always male or female, but in my day we didn’t worry about stuff like that. We just called that shit bestiality.

– So far I’m role-playing Thuggin as a Pokéhobo. I’ve searched every trash can I’ve come across, and you know the weird thing? They have all been empty. I’m not 100% sure yet but there is most likely some sort of garbage related conspiracy going on here.

– People are charitable in this new Pokémon universe. Some crazy woman who thought she was my mother just ran up to me and gave me a pair of shoes. She then went on what felt like a 45 minute rant about how shoes work. I know how shoes work. They’re like hats. For your feet.

– Most of the gym leaders are women now! Honestly. We let women have the vote and suddenly they think they can hold down jobs.

– At the beginning of the game the shoe lady asks if you are ready to go on a Pokéadventure. I have said “No” literally 50 times, hoping for a Wii-handjob. No such luck.

The Pokéjourney will continue!

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