Timesplitters 4 Does Not Exist

Timesplitters 4 Does Not Exist

I feel like a kid who just discovered that cutting open the TV screen does not mean the characters within will come out and play with you.

For years we’ve been drooling over that delicious concept art for the highly anticipated Timeplitters 4, hoping upon hope itself that somewhere there existed someone smart enough to begin development on the game. Well, last week CVG reported that Crytek UK (formerly known as Free Radical) had responded to an earlier story they wrote regarding a source claiming to have played Timesplitters 4.

I held my breath a bit with that story as I’ve always been a bit quick to jump the gun with anything Timesplitters related. So, I waited to see if Crytek would issue an official response to the story other than the typical “We don’t comment on rumor and speculation.” I didn’t have to wait long.

Crytek UK came back with a rather cryptic response that left me even more excited than before. They said:

“For Timesplitters 4, with ever spiralling development costs, massive teams and endless crunch we decided on a more radical development strategy.

“In short, the experiment was to implement the infinite monkey theorem. With cloning being a far too expensive option, we spent all of the development budget on buying monkeys on the black market.

“Those seven monkeys are now sat in a room with typewriters and lots of mirrors, and we fully expect Timesplitters 4 to be finished soon. Rumours are that they haven’t written any code but just tease the press from time to time. Those damn monkeys.

“PS: anyone got any bananas?

Taking into consideration the title in question, that response is totally in line with the style of the game and frankly had me convinced that I would one day yet again set forth to destroy under-developed chimpanzees with an overgrown Gingerbread man wielding a rocket launcher. I was happy once again.

That happiness only last a short time as apparently Crytek UK felt it necessary to respond to their own response by clarifying the whole “…spent all of the development budget on buying monkeys.” message. In short they responded:

“No, it’s not in development.”

Then again, knowing the way the internet influences information these days, this could just be a very well-played way of throwing everyone off the scent, especially after detailed reports rolled in just after last year’s E3 that the game was shown behind closed doors to a select few.

Whatever the case may be, it’s obvious that people want another Timesplitters, but unfortunately, the industry doesn’t always provide what the people want. I doubt I’m going to let this information stimy my hopes for another Timesplitters. I don’t care if I have to wait until I’m on my death bed cussing out the nurses for not cleaning out my bed pan fast enough. I will play another Timesplitters before I die.

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