Marsupial In The Sun: An Interview With Crash Bandicoot

Marsupial In The Sun: An Interview With Crash Bandicoot

What if you could sit down and talk to the game characters you know and love? I attempt to answer that question, starting with talking to a very familiar face from the past.

The sun is shining  fiercely as the individual I’m about to talk to lounges in his red and white striped deck-chair, a glass of chilled wumpa fruit juice clutched in his paw that he sips every so often thoughtfully as he stares out across the ocean, watching the waves crash onto the shore of N. Sanity beach. He’s content with life; he spends every day lounging on his own private island, has as many crates to break as he could possibly want and Cortex hasn’t been meddling in his affairs for a good while.

“It seems like such a long time ago now.” says Crash, who speaks surprisingly eloquently for a marsupial who was only known for occasionally saying ‘WHOA!’. “Back in the day, Cortex was always there, meddling away with time and stuff and forcing me through those damn crazy adventures. Every other day I found myself balancing on crates of TNT, riding polar bears or being chased by boulders. It was certainly interesting!”

Crash then chuckled to himself, recalling some of his adventures. It seemed to me that while Crash was enjoying his pseudo-retirement, there was a still a part of him that lusted for adventure once more, to get off this island and battle Cortex again. There’s still definitely  a sparkle in his eye as he starts to talk at length about one his favourite adventures.

“There was this one time I’ll always remember,” Crash said, picking up a whole wumpa fruit from under his chair and eating it one bite, “and that was the very first time I ever got the wumpa fruit bazooka. That was one exciting piece of machinery, I can tell you.”

Crash In His Heyday, Destroying Machines with Fruit. He’s That Good.

The fruit bazooka is actually currently living on Crash’s wall in his living room, where he spends his days annoying Aku Aku. The magical mask has become increasingly cranky over the years and it is one of Crash’s favourite pastimes to get on his nerves.

“Once all the adventuring stopped, Aku Aku got kind of miserable.” says Crash, “He’d got used to being a minor celebrity you see. At first it was all movie premieres and starring in Aku Aku’s Street Force (a short-lived but cult followed cop-show involving magical masks) but all too soon, everyone started to forget, and he got more and more miserable. The final straw came when he took up knitting – he’s determined to master it, but he’s got no hands. He’s been in there trying now for six months. He doesn’t understand that it just isn’t possible; he sits and stares at balls of wool for hours, willing them to knit together.”

I did actually try to get a quick word with Aku Aku, who now lives in a small shack at the edge of the beach. As I knocked sharply on the door, mildly nauseated by the inexplicable smell of rotting cabbage, I was promptly turned away by a loud but very forceful ‘OOOOGABOOGA!’ noise. I decided to retreat before he got angry.

‘Yeah, you shouldn’t go near his hut unless he knows you.” says Crash, looking over his sunglasses at Aku Aku’s gloomy hut. “Unless you want to annoy him by throwing fruit through the window with me. That’s always good fun.”

Happier Times

Reluctantly I had to decline Crash’s offer of fruit-throwing as I was still shook up by Aku Aku’s  OOGABOOGA-ing.  Instead I asked Crash about his sister, Coco.

“Coco’s doing great.” replied Crash, “She’s actually on another island right now, developing something or other for some scientist called C. Nortex. I’ve never met the man, but his name sounds incredibly familiar. He actually came and recruited Coco personally with his assistant, G. Nin. Haven’t heard from her all that much, but she seems happy.”

I refrain from pointing out the obvious similarities between Crash’s former adversaries name and that of the mysterious scientist who has recruited Coco. Crash seems blissfully unaware and isn’t due to star in any new adventures soon, so I see no reason to disturb his retirement just yet. Instead I ask Crash about how he feels about his former employers Naughty Dog, and their new action heroes.

“I still keep in touch with the guys at Naughty Dog, we had a great working relationship for my first few adventures and we’re still good friends. I went off to pursue other options, so did they, and that’s fine. I liked Jak and Daxter; there was something appealing about that little guy with his wisecracks and orange fur.  Not too sure about that Nate guy though; really gets on my nerves how he never tucks his shirt in properly.”

“I hear they’re also doing something in a world that’s been pretty much destroyed.” he continued. “Think it’s called The Last of Us. Looks pretty exciting.”

Cruisin’ In Style

Crash of course met a whole load of weird and wonderful characters on his many adventures, and he seems to know a whole lot about what they’re doing now.

“I keep an eye on all those old foes.” he said, stretching in his chair, “Papu Papu runs a bar on the other side of the island – The Fatties Rest. He’s pretty friendly towards me now; Cortex isn’t really warping his brain anymore. Tiny the Tiger is….actually….just over there. See the guy in the speedo?”

He’s right. Tiny the Tiger is indeed lying up against a palm tree a while down the beach, dressed in a yellow speedo. He’s reading a magazine, but seems to be peering over it every so often at Crash. “He’s probably trying to kill me again.” laughs Crash, “He’s never really got over the last few beatings, and he’s more determined than ever to bring me down. Until he learns not to repeat the same moves over and over again in exploitable ways, it ain’t gonna happen.”

My time with Crash was then cut short after the marsupial received an urgent phonecall from his sister, Coco. “She says she’s in trouble!” Crash says, leaping to his feet and not being able to resist doing his trademark celebratory ‘gem-shuffle’ dance. Before I can even thank him for his time, Crash has sped off down the beach, breaking randomly placed crates and collecting enough wumpa fruit to sink a ship.

Looks like he’s off on another adventure.

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